Post #22 -- Living in the Margin, Part 2

But what was that illusive “something”? 

In my previous post I described my feelings of “living in the margin” of my previous organization while adjusting to a new role that involved stepping out of some leadership responsibilities — and felt like I was “on the outside looking in” as my life and day-to-day purpose as I knew it was ending.  But then “something” rose up within me and an awareness gripped me that life was not ending, but indeed was just beginning with new purpose.  At that point I seriously suspected that if that “something” had not been gradually personalized through the years, life for me at that moment might indeed have been over.  

The purpose of this post is to explore that “something” and whether or not I can thrive in that state of mind.

Please note: I’m using the term “margin” in a manner different from what was popularized by Richard Swenson in his book Margin in which he describes margin as “…having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month or sanity left at the end of adolescence.”  

Instead “margin”, as I’m using it here, refers to the condition of no longer being a part of the core of any organization, team, or relational circle and now on the outside fringe of that activity one feels out-of-touch and powerless.  People in the core are “in the know”; people on the fringe (ie, in the margin) are watching and wondering.  

Each of us has a deep need to feel significant, important, and valued.  This motivates us and gives purpose to life.  It’s difficult to get out of bed Monday mornings if going to the office feels insignificant, unimportant, and worthless. 

The crisis of living in the margin is that our sense of significance, importance, and value is challenged.  Each of us is different.  I suspect that some people attempt to survive the margin by coming up with a new purpose or life-mission —like doing charitable work, picking up a new hobby, writing a book, or buying a camper and touring the country..  Each of these activities can be a good thing.  But the “something” that helped me survive the margin was different.  It went deeper than finding a new purpose or mission in life.  And it was not about finding a new hobby or writing a new book.

For me it was about beginning to sense an abiding significance and self-worth from simply deeply understanding and living out of my true identity as the son of the awesome King of the Universe!

Since the age of nine, when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, my parents often reminded me that I was a child of God.  That was important to me and remained important to me through the many years since then.  But if you had asked me to tell you about myself, I hardly think I would have emphasized the fact that I’m a child of God.  That simply was not my personalized “identity”.  As a child, I’d probably tell you “I own six sheep” (That was important to this farm boy!).  As a member of the USAF, I’d say something like, “I’m the commander of an USAF Civil Engineering Squadron”.  Or in my second career as a leader in ministry, I’d probably say, “I help to lead an organization committed to helping people become disciples.”  These labels, in effect, became my identity for many years and gave me a tangible sense of self-worth, purpose, and significance.  

But life changes.  In time I was no longer the USAF Commander or a leader in my second career — and while living in the margin, that identity was being seriously threatened.

WHAT IS IDENTITY AND WHY IS IT CRITICAL?

The dictionary describes “identity” as “the distinguishing character or personality of an individual; the sameness of essential or generic character in different instances.”

In other words, true identity is who we really are deep down inside regardless of the circumstances.

You might be a dad, a grand-dad, a mom, a grand-mom, a daughter, a sister, a brother, a boss, a plant-manager, an artist, an engineer, an entrepreneur…the list is endless.  These are all possible identities in which we may see ourselves and derive a certain degree of self-worth.  They can be very important to us and serve as a valuable identity for a period of time.  Yet none of these can bring true fulfillment, because we are all made to bring glory to God and to find our fulfillment in Him, alone.

Tim Keller writes —“The Bible says that our real problem is that every one of us is building our identity on something besides Jesus.”

Brennan Manning adds — “Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.”

Dr. Seuss puts an interesting spin on the subject — “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Henri Nouwen sums it up the best — ”Spiritual identity means we are not what we do or what people say about us. And we are not what we have. We are the beloved daughters and sons of God.” 

For me the answer was to truly understand that as a follower of Jesus, my identity is that  first and foremost I’m a child of the King.  I am royalty!  Positions of power and influence or valued roles within a group of close friends may come and go, but my membership in the family of God is permanent.  It will not change.  I can count on it.

God is very clear on this point —

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. (John 1:12)

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” (Romans 8:15-17)

“But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father.’”  (Galatians 4:4-6)

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.” (1 John 3:1-3)

THE VALUE OF LIVING OUT OF A GOD-GIVEN IDENTITY

In my role as son of the awesome King who loves me and cares for me, I frequently picture myself running to Him for acceptance, self-worth, and protection. I love Psalm 32:17 (NIV) —

“You are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

Running to Him like this, for me, is very, very practical.  For example —

Many of my contemporaries are traveling the world and speaking at major conferences — and at one time I would have been green with envy.  Now I’m excited for their success, and I’ve learned that I do not need to be the keynote speaker to feel significant.  I am fulfilled in Jesus alone.

I am no longer responsible for a staff team which I’ve always enjoyed leading (Remember ENTJs naturally want to be in charge).  But personal significance for me comes no longer from in being in control.  It’s from remembering who my Father is!

I don’t have any Best Sellers yet, though that might be nice.  I recognize that this too is temporary, but my membership in the royal family is permanent.

I can no longer climb large mountains, or even go from the kitchen to the bathroom without breathing heavily.  But that’s OK as I know my Father has a bigger plan for this son.

On occasions I commit a faux pas of some sort while a delivering a message or devotional.  But rather than fret over my well meaning, but dumb mistake, I simply tell my Father something like, “God I’ve blown it again.  But I know you love me and accept me as I am regardless of my performance.”

When I invariably encounter a perplexing issue of some kind, like trying to plow through a blog post that simply does not come together, I envision wrapping that blog post into an imaginary box, walking into the Throne Room, setting that box on the altar in front of the King, and humbly asking Him to work the issue.  I then leave the Throne Room — and try not to return again to retrieve my issue!  As a child of the King, I know He will help me!

In a previous post (Post #9) I discussed my practice of ending my morning devotional journal entry with, "Thx! Your son, Don".  I cherish that daily reminder that I'm a valued son of the King of the Universe!

As I close here, let me quickly say that this has been my story.  I’m not suggesting that everyone will experience marginalization as I have.  I do believe, though, that the operative question for all to consider is: what is my source of self-worth, significance, and value?  As was said earlier, if it is anything other than Jesus Christ, I believe that ultimately one will experience a rather empty and unfulfilled life.

CAN I THRIVE?

Personally if my self-worth continues to reside in the laurels of a previous position, power, recognition, control, or anything else, I know I’m on unstable ground because the circumstances will change and so will my identity.  But as I learn to accept who I really am and live out of my true identity as part of the family of God, I find great hope and peace.  I’m a son of the King of the Universe!  

When absolutely everything important to us crumbles around us, we can run to our Father for total fulfillment and joy.

And yes, from this vantage point I can truly thrive with a life of purpose and acceptance regardless of what comes at me in life.