Post #26 -- The Gift of Family and Friends

It’s been said, “The love of family and friends is the glue that holds your heart together.” (Unknown Author)  I believe this to be true and clearly see that our friends and family are a gift from God — just as James 1:17 tells us,

 “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

I truly believe the magic of life lies in relationships.  Everyone needs a cause, a purpose,   a defining motivation. But even more important than that cause or purpose in life, everyone needs relationships.  I wonder why this is.  Could it be that God put a relational chip in our human DNA that causes us to need one another?  Scripture would seem to suggest this in that there are at least 59 “one another” references throughout Scripture that make it clear we deeply need each other.  We’ll get to more of that in a moment. 

But first I need to share with you how this gift of family and friends was priceless for Marilyn and me during the past month and a half. 

The unexpected death of our grandson and the manner in which he died has left us shocked, numbed, and living in a fog.  Faith in God and His sovereignty has been supremely important during this period.  But we also noticed that comfort from God came through countless friends and family who have risen up to be tangible hands and feet of Jesus.  I think I have always cognitively known the awesome gift we have from God in our friends and family, but during this period of time we have felt it and have seen it vividly lived out. We saw an exceptional demonstration of the fundamental value of friends and family. Countless meals, cards, and calls from family members, neighbors and friends have ministered deeply to us.  In a moments notice they changed plans, bought airline tickets, and made themselves available to be present with us.  The response of family members has been awesome. 

During this period, especially during funeral preparation, Marilyn and I both felt like we were living in overload, with little time for getting extended time alone with God.  I candidly admit that at times I felt so numb, shocked, and somewhat disconnected from God — so much so that I found it difficult to focus on comforting Scriptures.  This has been perplexing to me and I hope to process all this in a future post and share with you the lessons I believe God might be teaching me through this. 

But in these times of shock, numbness, and disconnectedness, God clearly met us through the touch of friends and family.  God ministered to our hearts through them!

But why is this?  We should not be surprised at this.  This is clearly God’s plan for us all along.  Scripture repeatedly talks about the great importance of one-another relationships … to name a few: 

“Love one another.” (John 13:34) - This command occurs at least 16 times.

“Encourage one another.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

“Be devoted to one another.” (Romans 12:10)

“Build up one another.” (Romans 14:19; 1 Thessalonians 5:11)

“Care for one another.” (1 Corinthians 12:25)

“Serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13)

“Bear one another's burdens.” (Galatians 6:2)

“Be kind and compassionate to one another.” (Ephesians 4:32)

“Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.” (Ephesians 5:19)

“Comfort one another.” (1 Thessalonians 4:18)

“Employ the gifts that God has given us for the benefit of one another.” (1 Peter 4:10) 

“Pray for one another.” (James 5:16)

The love of family and friends is indeed the glue that holds the heart together. 

        “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light”  — Helen Keller

        “The length of one's days matters less than the love of one's family and friends.” — Gerald Ford

        “Love overflows and joy never ends in a home that is blessed with family and friends.” — Unknown Author

Each of us has a broad range of multiple friends.  My best friend is my wife of nearly 55 years, Marilyn. She is my primary intimate and confidential partner with whom I can share everything.  It’s with her that I experience a sense of deep unconditional love and support.  Without doubt, she is certainly a gift from God.  Her personal self-sacrifice for me continues to be endless.  I would not be what I am today without her!

My adult kids and grandkids rank next in relational priority. I love it when the kids or grandkids come bounding into the house without knocking.  Each of those occurrences is a gift from God.  Or when an adult child or grandchild freely expresses “I love you Dad (Papa)” my heart misses a beat.  I am very grateful for family members who are eager to freely use language like that.  And I find that when we relate to one another like that in the family, we begin to be free to verbally express similar love to our friends outside the immediate family circle.  I believe this brings a smile to the heart of God!

Additionally I am blessed with extended family members and many other friends, each of whom is a gift from God and serves a vital friendship role in my life.  Some  serve as accountability partners, some as confidants, several as “3am” friends,  others as “hang out” buddies. I deeply value several mentors and love the individuals to whom I have the privilege of being a mentor.  Proverbs 17:17 tell us, ”A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."  We are finding this to be very true!  Each of these family members and friends is a huge gift from God. 

I envy friends who have long-term friendship relationships — like friends who have been very close for 50 years, having shared grade school together and has lived near one another since then.  In our case, our family has moved all over the world as required by a military career, the result of which we generally do not have roots that go deeply after only a few years of close association.  I miss that and regret that we have not tried harder to stay in touch.  At the same time though, maybe to my defense, I think most of us can have deeply meaningful relationships with only a small number of people.  It’s in that small number of friends I desire to invest.  They are God’s gift to me.

I’m also intrigued by the observation that for most people, character and lifestyle changes generally occur only in community with some like-minded friends who generally support one another in that change process.  They too are a gift from God.

There’s a little ditty that goes like this:  “I went out to find a friend and found friends nowhere; I went out to be a friend and friends were everywhere!” In a busy world in which each of us is faced with relentless pressure to DO things and “get ahead in life”, my prayer is that each of us will BE the friend who becomes the glue that holds hearts together.

I would not trade the gift of my family and friends for anything in the world.  Yet ultimately the best friend we can possibly have is Jesus Christ, and to be part of His family makes life truly worth living.  Even in this chaotic world, with God’s gift of family and friends to me and the assurance of my membership in His family, I can boldly move from just surviving to really thriving!