Post #24 -- Lessons Learned

It’s been said, “The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.”  

This got me thinking: just what are the lessons I’ve learned in life and how have they helped me thrive?  The purpose of this post is to crystalize some of those lessons — some that we’ve learned while on the current medical journey as we seek to move from surviving to thriving; others are from our life’s journey in general.  

Life is a continuous learning experience.  Some lessons learned come from God as the Holy Spirit speaks to us in a quiet moment.  Other lessons may be learned from a good book or a valued friend.  Still others may be learned from those inevitable times when we step into one of those ugly potholes in our pathway of life.  Anyway one cuts it, there is much to be learned if our minds are calibrated to learning.  As an unknown author has said, “Develop a passion for learning.  If you do, you will never cease to grow.” 

I believe God fully endorses this learning process —

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.”  (Proverbs1:5, NIV)

“Intelligent people are always ready to learn.” (Proverbs 18:15, NLT)

“Senseless people learn their lessons the hard way, but the wise are teachable.”  (Proverbs 21:11, TPT)

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.”  (Romans 15:4, NIV)

Personally I find that any unusual occurrence in life is an opportunity to ask God to  unpack the moment and show us what we can learn in this situation.  Many of our lessons learned come to us from this interchange with God.

Again I write from a personal perspective. But these are some of our primary lessons both Marilyn and I have learned as we journey together:

1. When I move from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What is this teaching me?”, life looks totally different!

This has been an exceptionally valuable lesson learned for me.  I find that the question “Why is this happening to me?” invariably leads to a focus on me and usually results in a negative attitude and discouragement. On the other hand, the question “What is this teaching me?” usually becomes a potentially exciting adventure of learning and growing.  My attitude becomes entirely different and the potholes in the pathway of life become more tolerable.

2. The closer one gets to heaven, the brighter heaven looks.

Maybe it’s because I’m attempting now more than ever to live out 2 Cor. 4:18 — “So I fix my eyes not on the seen but on the unseen, for the seen is temporary but the unseen is eternal.”  But I’m noticing that the farther I go on this journey, the more heaven comes into a meaningful focus.  The assurance of spending eternity with Jesus becomes even more real and I find myself walking with more of a bounce in my step as I look forward to that reality.

3. The “wasting away” of the body does not hurt nearly as much whenever I can sense my inner person is being “renewed day by day.” (2 Cor 4:16-18)

This is a lesson learned that years ago would have sounded ludicrous to me.  Today I deeply value the fact that my inner spirit can be “renewed day by day” regardless of how my body is feeling.  Mind boggling!

4. Moving from surviving to thriving on this medical journey is strongly dependent on my ability to truly pace myself in what I try to do each day.  

This has been a new one for me.  I’ve been accustomed to a busy schedule and lots of activities.  In fact, I think for many years I’ve had an adrenaline-like dependency on busyness. But life now goes much better as I plan ahead, schedule activities more carefully, and ensure that there’s adequate “recovery time” in my schedule between activities.

5. Boundaries in life are God’s gift to protect me from myself.

As I’ve expressed in other posts, typically I’ve dreaded boundaries as limits on my forward progress.  But the lesson learned is that God allows, and even creates, some boundaries designed for my welfare.  

6. Character changes generally require the support/accountability of a community of friends who are on the same journey.

I think most of us believe that with God’s help alone we can make whatever changes He puts into our hearts.  I’m no longer sure about that and believe God actually gives us a community of like-minded friends to help us make those character and lifestyle changes.

7. God’s wrap-around presence is the greatest when my pain and discouragement are the greatest.

As I shared in the last post, I’m thrilled with The Passion Translation’s rendering of Ps 119:114 — “You’re my place of quiet retreat, and your “wraparound presence becomes my shield as I wrap myself in your Word.”  I’m learning that the wrap-around presence is very real, especially during tough times.

8. The key to thriving during a late-stage life transition is to truly learn to live out  of our identity as a son or daughter of the King of the Universe.

Learning to truly live out of my God-given identity as a child of the King has been life-changing for me as I’ve moved through several exciting careers into the retirement stage of life.  This has been a critical lesson learned.

9. Nothing is more important in helping me through the day as the time I spend alone with God in the morning.  

I’ve said it many times in this blog, our regular time alone with God makes the difference between a well-ordered day and a day full of chaos.  Likewise, the effectiveness of my month is dependent on my ability to spend an extended time with God around the start of that month reading, praying, reflecting, and planning.

10. The more we express our gratitude, the more we find additional things for  which to be grateful.

Having a heart of gratitude is the key to remaining positive.  Expressing gratitude seems to naturally lead to finding more and more things and situations for which we become naturally grateful.

11. Scripture memory is one of the most valuable spiritual disciplines.

I’ve found that the Scriptures I’ve memorized as a kid and young adult have surfaced with untold benefit now as an older adult.  I am so grateful my teachers and disciplers encouraged me to memorize key passages and stuck with me until I did so.

12. As I get older, I find I deeply require more time with God and my wife.

A mentor of mine once told me, “Don as you get older you’ll find you will need more time with God and your wife.”  I never really understood and possibly did not believe that.  While I still don’t quite understand why this happens, I’ve come to believe it with passion.  I deeply desire those quiet moments with God and Marilyn.

13. Relationships far outlast the tasks.

I’m a task-oriented person.  But I’ve learned, many times the “hard way”, that relationships are much more important and enduring than the tasks.  Tasks are important but not nearly as important as the relationships.  I’ve found I can hire someone and train him to perform the technical tasks.  But any attempt to hire the person without relational skills and to train that person to be more relational is hopeless.  Anyway you cut it, relationships is where true happiness in life is most poignantly felt.

14. Every issue has two sides.  

I’ve learned that I’m not ready to engage in meaningful dialogue until I’ve put myself in the shoes of the other person and tried to understand how he or she sees the issue before trying to deal with it.  Every issue has more than one side to it.

15. Saying the right thing the wrong way generally makes the right thing the wrong thing.

Words in themselves are indeed critical.  But how they are said is just as important and, in some cases, might be even more important than the actual words.  I’ve been in my fair share of trouble on this one.  I have an uncanny way of saying the right thing in the wrong way!

16. Jesus is enough!

I’m comforted with the psalmist’s experience penned in Psalm 73:25-26 (NLT) — “Whom have I in heaven but you?  I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” I’ve learned that when everything around me crashes and my environment turns into total chaos, a strong ever-abiding faith in Jesus is all I need to keep me going!

CAN WE THRIVE AS WE LEARN OUR LESSONS?

We certainly can!  As we learn our lessons from God and grow from them — no matter how hard they met be — we experience His power in our live and we thrive!  Proverbs 3:13 assures us that, “Blessed are those who found wisdom, those who gain understanding. ”It’s in the living within the center of God’s will for our lives that we find true peace, satisfaction, purpose, and wisdom — and we thrive!

My Prayer —

“Thank you God for giving us the desire and capacity to learn from these lessons in life.  I’m sensing from you that only time will reveal if we’ve truly learned them. So please grant us the grace and power to continue fully learning these lessons as we seek to apply them into our lives to your glory! In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen”

One late-time additional note. Please pray. Around noon this past Sunday (December 11) we received the word that a grandson (sophomore at High Point University in NC) was tragically killed in an unusual car incident. We are still sorting through details at this point. The family is in turmoil. But we do know that Jesus is our anchor and that anchor will hold us steady through this storm!