Post #29 -- Anchored in Jesus (Part 3)

In my last two posts, I discussed our process of grieving after the untimely death of our grandson.  I shared the feelings of “living in a fog” and of a sense of “disconnectedness” from God.  But I also shared how the concept of being deeply anchored in Jesus (Hebrews 6: 18b-19) held us steady during this time.  

In the last post, I specifically shared of the importance of “prior emotional and spiritual preparation” before a crisis hits — and how this carried us through grieving.  I also shared of learning that feelings must not define me.  I want to follow in this post with two more lessons which I believe God prepared us to learn and appreciate. 

It has been said that it’s in our pain that we learn our most valuable lessons.  We’re learning!

When I Can No Longer Walk, He Will Carry Me

Frankly, my frustration was that when I needed God the most I seemed unable  to connect with Him.  Where is He? Why isn’t He here to comfort us in our grief? Can I continue to trust His promises? These are only some of the difficult questions that were going though my mind at  that time. 

But as I ponder the theme that seems to be emerging from my journal, I can now better identify with the familiar short poem, “Footprints In The Sand”. 

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I dreamed i was walking

 along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed 

across the sky.  In each scene I

 noticed footprints in the sand.

  Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

 other times there was one

 only.  This bothered me because I

 noticed that during the low periods of

 my life, when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints, 

so I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you, you would walk 

with me always.  But I have noticed 

that during the most trying periods of 

my life there has only been one set of 

footprints in the sand.  

Why, when I needed you most, have 

you not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have seen only 

one set of footprints, 

my child, is when I carried you."

I too could see only one footprint in the sand as I walked along seeking answers to these difficult questions.  In retrospect, as I reflected on all this, I could clearly see that It was during the period of shock, fog, and disconnectedness that God was carrying us as we grieved.  God was anything but disconnected!  He was very much engaged with us.  I love a recent memory verse that bears the same thought from Isaiah 46:4 — “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He.  I am He who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”

I truly believe that when we felt too numb to pray, He was carrying us as His Holy Spirit interceded on our behalf just as Romans 8:26 promises —  “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.”  What a tremendous freedom and comfort it is knowing with assurance that even when we feel out of touch with God and He seems inexplicably distant, we can rely on the Holy Spirit to pray on our behalf!  We can count on Him to carry us, sustain us, and rescue us!

As I meditate on the totality of the journal entries during this period, I see an abundantly clear truth that when I felt God was distant and disconnected, in reality, He was abundantly present and indeed was purposely carrying us through this crisis.

James Dobson states, “Never assume God’s silence or apparent inactivity is evidence of His disinterest.  With God, even when nothing is happening, something is happening.”

Friends, God can be counted on to meet our needs even when we don’t feel like He is there.  I was encouraged this morning by Psalm 31 where King David candidly shares from his “lows” and his “highs” as he tried to relate to the Lord.  On one hand he says, “My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction.” (Ps 31:10)  On the other hand he adds, “Praise be to the Lord for He showed me the wonders of his love.”  (Ps 31:21)  What made the difference in David’s response to God?  I believe the answer appears five times in verses 1, 2, 3, and 4 — He fled to the Lord for refuge. That’s the key to thriving in these tough times — to flee to Him for refuge!  He alone cares for us!

The Worth of Journaling 

Here’s another lesson that I feel God would have me share with you.  Frankly this thought is not new to me.  But the intensity of the recent months has driven this practice even deeper into my heart.

Journaling has often come naturally for me and has been very important to me.  But since this time of grieving reflection, journaling has become an even more deeply rooted conviction.  For me it’s a way of remembering and processing what I believe I hear from God.  Some days my journal consists of a line or two; other days it could extend over several pages.

At any rate, I find great value in hammering out some meaning out of situations that don’t seem to have much clarity.  I’ve referred to Henry Nouwen in earlier posts, but want to share his quote again here: 

“To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know.  Thus (writing) requires a real act of trust. We have to say to ourselves, I do not yet know what I carry in my heart, but I trust that it will emerge as I write.  Once we dare to “give away” on paper the few thoughts that come to us, we start discovering how much is hidden underneath ... and eventually come in touch with our own riches. (From Reflecting on Theological Education, Henry Nouwen)

Like Nouwen, writing helps me to discover what’s in my heart.  I’m a processor.  Given the opportunity, I’ll process my questions with another person.  But if that is not available, I process them via my journal.  This act of processing via my journal helps me to come to grips with my real self.

In the case of grieving over our grandson’s death, I journaled rather consistently.  At times it was fragmented and a bit incoherent.  Yet there in the maze of words I can now see what I could not see then — that God was so very present with us and in control of our lives and the present situation.

Not to belabor the point here on the value of journaling, but let me briefly share.  Journaling does at least three things for me.  1) It helps to put me in a frame of mind in which I am more ready and sensitive to hear the voice of the Lord — not to hear an audible voice with my ears, but sensing His voice with my heart.  2) As I write down what I’m sensing, which often includes conversations with the Lord, I’m able to “unpack” better what I’m hearing.  3) And as I’ve been sharing, the journal becomes a track record of previous insights from the Lord that may shed significant light on an issue I’m facing or decision I’m making.  I commend the process of journaling to you.

While today I am so very, very grateful for the practice of journaling, I realize this journalling thing is not every person’s hot button.  Nonetheless I encourage everyone, one way or another, to keep a record of thoughts from God.  My practice of writing full paragraphs may be a turn-off to some -—  if that’s the case, don’t do it.  That’s OK.  But do jot down something — It may be a picture drawn in the journal each day … or it could be a song that has encouraged you … or even simply a word or two that stood out in your time with the Lord.  This practice may one day deeply encourage you in a time of crisis just as it has encouraged me.

DOES BEING ANCHORED IN JESUS HELP US THRIVE IN THE MIDST OF CRISIS?

To be sure, we continue to hurt as we recall the good times with our grandson and will probably continue to hurt for a long time, envisioning the anguish he must have experienced as he decided to take his own life.  We grieve also over all the good times with him we know we’ll miss in the future.  We deeply hurt also for his parents and brother as they grieve his passing. It is difficult — no, impossible — to understand what happened.

Yet as we remain anchored in Jesus, we find that we’re beginning to think more about the good times with Gavin in a positive way and, in a strange way, begin to see some of the positive things that are coming out of this situation. 

The struggle to understand what happened is even becoming less intense as we come back to the Truth that God is Sovereign and is in control — and simply commit to continue trusting Him.  A quote from the Corrie Ten Boon movie, The Hiding Place, which we watched last evening, still rings loudly in my mind this morning — “If you know Him, you don’t need to know why.”  That’s a powerful philosophy of life!

Friends the key is to remain securely anchored in Jesus.  Greg Sykes sings about this in You Are the Anchor. Click this link to enjoy it with me.

So can one survive and even thrive in the midst of a family crisis like this if we remain anchored in Jesus?  The answer is loud and clear: We can!