Post #32 -- When the Boundary Lines Close in on Me

In a previous post (Post #13), I wrote about boundary lines being good things that can form “limits” or “fences” around us or our lifestyles and thus enable us to experience living connected with our true inner core values to the glory of God.  Whenever we step outside these limits, we potentially step into murky waters and reap a natural consequence for it.

However what happens when one begins to experience these boundary lines becoming more and more pronounced and closed in to the extent that it feels like there is little personal freedom left to do what one normally enjoys doing?  In this case, can I rejoice that the “boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places” and be grateful for the “delightful inheritances” as King David did in Psalm 16:5-6?

“Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.  The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”  NIV

I feel it would be helpful for me (and maybe for you too) to process some of the feelings I’ve been having as those boundary lines close in on me.

I quickly tell you that this is not to enlist pity or sympathy from you in any way.  I’m just being “real” here with you about feelings as life continues to grow in chaos.  Can I thrive in situations like this?

I guess I should illustrate what I’m talking about.  Whereas a year ago I could briskly walk five to seven thousand steps several times a week, today I sometimes get pushed on my wheelchair from my favorite chair, if necessary, to visit the powder room.  While  engaging in mutual encouragement via Zoom calls has been very enjoyable to me, now due to fatigue I need to limit the length and number of calls.  One year ago, I enjoyed going down the steps to work on our basement train layout; I now don’t go near steps.  My custom has been to walk into church Sunday mornings and stand with everyone else to join in with the robust singing; I now get pushed into church and sit while singing along as best I can.

Again this is not a woe-is-me list of things I can no longer do.  But it is to acknowledge the reality that some boundary lines are closing in on me.  Can I see some “delightful inheritances” and can I rejoice in them?

I admit I’m finding it is easier to ask these questions than to answer them!  How do I rejoice in giving up my ability to walk anywhere I want to walk when I want to walk and cope instead with depending on my wheelchair driver to decide where and when I will go anywhere?

This morning in my time with the Lord, a verse that many of us memorized as kids came into focus for me — “Your Word is a lamp for my feet, and a light on my path.”  (Psalm 119:105, NIV)  That lamp (God’s Word) provides only enough light to enable me to see an immediate step or two ahead of me on the pathway of life.  After taking those steps, I can then see one or two more steps, and so on along the entire pathway.  

I am by nature a long-term planner.  I’ve quipped already that a life-goal of mine is to die at 95 working on my 15-year goals.  Well, that’s probably not going to happen, but it is my nature to focus on the distant pathway ahead, not simply the immediate steps ahead of me.  I sense God is helping me to change that.  Don’t get me wrong, I still value what’s at the end of this pathway.  I’ve figured that out and it’s real good — heaven!  I have no concern, worry, or anxiety about that.  But I do tend to sense some anxiety in knowing what’s around the next couple bends on this pathway.  I’m also sensing God saying, “Don’t worry about that.  I’ve given you enough light to walk one or two steps on this journey.  Focus on them and enjoy them.  I’ll help you with the steps after that.”

Live in the moment and enjoy it — that is the challenge for me.  Marilyn has always done this much better than I have.  In fact, it’s always been a bit of an issue between us.  I plan the future and take it to her for affirmation and she barely has time to listen to my great planning because she’s dealing with some issue of the moment — an issue of which I was probably oblivious.  But I’m learning.

Here are just a few of the enjoyments I’ve experienced while living in the moment.

• The flowering tree blossoms and new flowers along my scooter route smell really great!
• I’m finding more time to meet alone with God on a regular basis.
• I enjoy telling my wife more often, “I love you”.
• I can enjoy a trip up along the river with no plan in mind other than to see the scenery.
• I enjoy sitting and chatting with my wife with no particular plan or decisions to be made.
• I find I’m more sensitive to people around me! 
• Focusing on what I can do, not on what I can’t do, causes rejoicing.
• I’m finding it pleasurable, even critically important, to enjoy more margin in our schedule (more on that in the next post). 

Without doubt, God wants us to plan for the future, just as Jesus says in Luke 14:28, “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?”  But He also wants us to make the most of every moment we have right now.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)

“LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is.”  (Psalm 39:4)

“Enjoy the blessing of each day!”  (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20, MSG) 

“Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.”  (Ephesians 5:15-16, NIV)

So can I honestly say I’m enjoying a “delightful inheritance” as a result of all these boundary lines closing in on me?  I think I can.  Here are four “delightful inheritances” that quickly come to mind: 1) a greater passion for God and His Word, 2) a greater ability to live in the moment, 3) a heightened and clearer perspective of the future, and 4) a closeness in love and companionship with my wife.

It’s with rejoicing in my heart that I tell you that even in what many would consider to be a deplorable circumstance, God and His Word are very real.  Most nights as I lay my head on my pillow, I think of the words from 2 Corinthians 4:16, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day-by-day”, and I reflect on how God has “renewed” me inwardly that day.  God usually reveals something that encourages my heart … and with that I can thrive!

Medical Report

Dear Reader, let me add an additional note here.  You know of my medical journey with a rather serious lung disease called “Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis”.  It’s been in the context of this medical journey that I’ve been seeking to write these posts about “moving beyond surviving to thriving” in order to “experience the fulfilled life in the midst of chaos”. 

I assure you that my wife and I continue to sense a spirit of thriving as we enjoy the wrap-around presence of Jesus (Psalm 119:114, TPT).  But I feel I should also be a bit more candid with you.  I’d love to give you a really great medical update, but humanly that’s not quite the case.  I have two pulmonology doctors; both agree that the scarring in my lungs is progressing and that, unless God steps in with a miracle, my time on earth will be limited.  Please know that we remain encouraged with the eternal perspective of knowing how this journey ends — and it’s a beautiful thing!