Post #33 -- The Gift of Margin

I’m not one to live with lots of regrets.  But in some reflective moments as a seasoned senior, I have concluded that if I were to live my life over again, I would make at least this one change.  

I would allow for more margin in my regular activity schedule.

Several posts ago, I wrote a two-part series on “Living in the Margin”.  “Margin” in that case referred to the condition of no longer being a part of the core of any organization, team, or relational circle, and now on the outside fringe of that activity, one tends to feel out-of-touch and powerless.  People in the core are “in the know”; people on the fringe (i.e., in the margin) are watching and wondering.  

The term “margin”, as I’m using it in this post, is different.  This particular “margin”  I’m writing about now was popularized by Richard Swenson in his book Margin in which he describes margin as “…having breath left at the top of the staircase, money left at the end of the month or sanity left at the end of adolescence.”  It’s about making room for life!

PURPOSE OF THIS POST

As I said, I’m not about to be defined by my regrets, but as I reflect on my career as an Air Force officer and later as a missionary with a Christian organization, life has been very, very busy — probably made more difficult by the fact that I rather liked it that way.  I think I was an adrenaline junkie (more on that in a moment).  I did not control my schedule — it controlled me.  So my heart breaks when I see younger leaders or family members living the same kind of over-busy lifestyle.  I want to shout: “Stop. Slow down. Build some margin into your life.  You’ll love it!”

So my purpose for writing this post is to simply shout: “Stop, slow down. Build some margin into your life.  You’ll love it!”

WHAT IS MARGIN?

Webster defines margin as “a spare amount or measure or degree allowed or given for contingencies or special situations.”  In other words, in part it’s about saving space in my schedule for unanticipated circumstances which could easily throw me into a downward spiral.  It’s the space between my limits and the load I’m carrying, the gap between rest and exhaustion, and the space between breathing freely and suffocating. Margin is the space to regroup, to get your mind in the right spot, to daydream.  This space helps us to operate in a healthier sense of call, relationship, and productivity.

It’s about making room for life!

THE DANGERS OF MARGINLESS LIVING

Google “Living with Margin” in the internet and you’ll find an endless discussion on the importance of this margin and the dangers of not having it.  I will not try to capture all that here.  I’ll simply share with you some of my personal experiences and lessons I’ve learned from not having an adequate degree of margin in my life.

I already admitted I rather enjoyed my busy schedule during my working careers.  But the insidious side of busy, marginless living is that while I might flourish on it, the impact on my family and on my broader relationships can be monumental.  Let me give you a few examples.

I recall days as an Air Force squadron commander attending meeting after meeting all day long collecting “action items” and then spending evenings working on those action items.  There simply was no time for relaxing, going for a walk, reading a good book, or little time for quiet discussions with my wife — and certainly no time for extended vacations.  While I enjoyed these days, I regret the pain my wife and children felt during these days.  

When stationed in Okinawa, Japan, I promised my family they could fly back to Pennsylvania during the summer to spend time on the family farm.  I kept that promise, — by making it possible for my wife and four children to fly back in an extremely uncomfortable Air Force cargo plane with sling seats.  I still can’t believe I did not try harder to accompany them.  In a quiet moment, if you had asked me “which is more important, my family or the career,” I’d have quickly told you, “my family”.  But I was hardly living that way.  

The challenge of the excessive busyness continued in our follow-on vocational ministry.  For example, upon arrival in Guyana on a missions trip, I opened my suitcase and there was an envelope — with a letter from my wife. I excitedly ripped open the envelope and read the first page. It was nice, full of the “I love you” stuff that every husband loves to hear. It was really great!  But at the top of the second page were the heart-stopping  words, “However, I think you have a mistress — the ministry”.  I was shattered.  I had never been accused before of having a mistress, and I certainly did not perceive myself as having the ministry as a mistress. Yet I knew she was right. The ministry was getting more of my time and attention than she was.  On top of that, I could easily excuse this kind of overwork because it was “for the Lord” — making her feel guilty for even expecting more of me. 

Upon arriving at home, my wife and I discussed this deeply. I apologized and committed my best effort to do better. As I recall, we sought some counseling to help me with my “addiction”. That helped for a period of time, but the demands of ministry still weighed heavily on me — and the battle was certainly not over.  Several years later, still troubled by my propensity for over-work, I was given a sabbatical — which was designed to do a “lifestyle makeover” and help me get rid of some of the hurry in my life.  I keenly remember a pastor from the Midwest feeling the call to help me “learn the art of doing nothing” (more on that in a moment).  I think I’m still trying to learn that art!

Even in our years of transition into retirement, life continued to be very busy.  Some habits are hard to break!  I praise God for a wife who was willing to speak up when my priorities became confused and for a physical limitation that is now helping to slow me down.

Each of us has a varying degree of margin in our lives.  Don’t misunderstand me. Our family has had lots of fun times together and we’ve taken an occasional vacation together.  But my wife would tell you that even in the midst of these activities my mind was often focused at work — even on vacations. 

Not having enough margin in life can lead to burnout and a sense of emptiness.  It takes time away from the things we enjoy, such as hobbies or time with friends.  And it prevents us from adequate exercise, induces us to stress-eat, binge-watch, or skimp on sleep.

THE ANTIDOTE TO MARGINLESS LIVING

Actually the antidote to marginless living is not all that profound, yet possibly exceedingly difficult to implement.  It’s to slow down the hurry in our lives and add more personal space in our daily calendars.

Dallas Willard says it this way — “Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day.  We must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from our lives.  The goal of avoiding hurry is not just pleasure, but to enable us to calmly and effectively do the things that are truly important with strength and joy.”

John Mark Comes adds — “The solution to an over busy life is not more time.  It’s to slow down and simplify our life around what really matters.”

Corrie Ten Boom makes it clear — “If the devil can’t make you sin, he’ll make you busy.” 

Brooke McAlary writes — “Slow living is all about creating time and space and energy for the things that matter most to us in life, so ask yourself what you stand to gain.” 

The antidote to margin-ess living is to figure out what’s really important in life and to do whatever is necessary to ruthlessly eliminate the hurry from our lives so that we can indeed pursue what is ultimately important.

SOME PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS

If I had the opportunity to advise a younger leader who is desirous of more margin in his or her life, here are five practical suggestions I would make.

Ask God to help you to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.  The elimination of hurry from your lifestyle is typically very difficult to do without the help of the Lord and possibly also a few close friends who are attempting to do the some thing.

Determine what is really important in your life.  Get alone with God and ask Him to confirm what is really important to you in life.  A helpful way to do this is to visualize yourself at the end of your life looking back over your life and asking the question: “What do I need to see in my life to conclude that my life was a success?”.  These are the things that are really important.

Plan accordingly.  Now develop a few measurable steps to help you implement the really important goals.  These important steps are your “big rocks” and must be placed first into your calendar to make sure the really important activities are addressed. Then fill in with less critical items. Don’t overbook yourself.  Leave plenty of buffer between activities.  Learn to say “NO” to the items that simply don’t fit. 

Learn the art of doing nothing.  Learn to take mindless breaks throughout the day doing anything not related to the normal activity of the day — walk the dog, visit the gym, read a book on the park bench, go for a short drive, etc, etc.

Find a coach/mentor.  It can be helpful to connect with a coach or mentor to guide you through the planning phase of this process as well as to provide some supportive accountability to keep you on track. 

Even in my current phase of this journey in which I’m compelled to slow down, building margin into my schedule has been ultra important.  For example, I try my best to include only one high stress activity into any given day.  I am so very grateful now for the conviction from God that margin is right, proper and honored.

HOW LIVING WITH MARGIN HELPS US THRIVE

Matthew 11:28-30 (Msg) describes the margin that God wants to help us enjoy — “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

The challenge is to allow God to help us “recover our lives”, to help us take a “real rest” and to learn to live “freely and lightly”.  In other words, the challenge is to slow down and live with margin in our lives.  That margin will help us to live the life that deep down inside each of us desperately craves.  It’s about living life as God intends for us.  Can I thrive on this journey living that kind of life?  You bet I can!

Stop! Slow down! Build some margin in your life!  You’ll also enjoy it!