Post # 13 -- Appreciating Boundaries

 

One of the “Defining Moments” of my life has been learning to appreciate the value of boundaries.  Or maybe I should say: I’m beginning to learn to appreciate the value of boundaries — as I’m still in the process of learning.  

Psalm 16:5-6 (NIV) says, — “Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.  The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”  David, the psalmist, here was probably rejoicing over the stone boundaries that defined his physical fields.  But there’s also a potential application for me (and maybe you too) in identifying and properly responding to the boundaries that God naturally allows into our lives.  Will I fight those boundaries or will I learn from them and grow?

What is a “boundary”?

I’ve admitted in a previous post that I’m naturally a hard-charging person with workaholic tendencies who loves big challenges.  I respond to challenges — not boundaries and certainly not limits!  In fact, I resist limits!  I suspect one of my mentors saw all this as he would often remind me, “Don, life is like the airport luggage conveyer belt.  Not every bag on that belt has your name on it.  Grab only the bags with your name”.  So “appreciating boundaries” does not come naturally to me!

I’m defining a “boundary” here to be a “limit” or “fence” around myself or my lifestyle  based on core priorities such that whenever I step outside that limit, I potentially step into murky waters and reap a natural consequence for it.  If I live within that boundary, I will probably enjoy a “delightful inheritance” as suggested by Psalm 16:5-6.  The boundary may be self-imposed — via a willful decision I make. Or it may be externally imposed on me personally by a higher authority, such as God or my organizational superiors.  First, let me give you an example of a self-imposed boundary.

Setting a self-imposed boundary

The first time I clearly saw the principle of boundaries at work occurred while I was a staff officer at the Pentagon years ago.  I was asked to consider being part of a highly specialized task force that needed someone with my experience.  This would be a voluntary assignment.  I could refuse it.

To be part of this task force work was quite an honor.  But I knew the hard-charging staff there literally worked around the clock interacting with congressmen and their staffs. I, of course, was concerned about the amount of time that would be expected of me.  I met with the task force general who asked me why I would not want to join him.  I assured him that I would find the challenge exhilarating, but felt that I could not give it the required time.  When asked how much time I could give the job, I explained that I had a wife and four children I cared for, plus I was involved in a ministry that was important to me.  I simply told him (again humbly, I hope) that I was in a carpool that arrived at work about 7am every day and departed about 5pm, and that I’d like to stay in that carpool.  His response was, “Do it!  Come work for me, but stay in the carpool”. 

Working with this team was indeed an awesome experience – I interacted quite regularly with the top brass and congressmen.  But life in that office was what I feared it would be.  Everyone worked non-stop from start to finish.  

As agreed, come 4:45pm, while everyone else was feverishly working away now in the middle of their sixteen-hour day, I would sheepishly and quietly leave the office to catch my carpool.

After working three weeks or so in this office, as I was sneaking out of the office at the end of one particular day, the general called me into his office.  The next conversation was to become a “Defining Moment” for me and present me with a principle that has guided my life ever since!  The general simply said, “Don, I see you sneaking out of the office every day just before five o’clock”.  I felt like I was hit by a two-by-four.  I weakly responded with something like, “Sir, we talked about this and I think we agreed I could depart at 4:45pm to meet my carpool.”  To which the general said, “You are right, Don.  You are getting your job done.  But why are you sneaking out?”  “General,” I said, “everyone else here is working feverishly, and I feel my nerve leaving them.”  The general simply responded with, “We have an agreement.  Don’t feel your nerve. Go as we agreed.”

What I had unknowingly done in that task-force office was to establish a “boundary” that helped me control the ever-increasing time demands of my job.  I humbly indicated what I could do and what I could not do on that job — and my general honored that.  

A delightful inheritance

I experienced the benefit of seeking to live within a boundary which enabled me to do an important job while still living according to higher priorities. At this same time, many of my contemporaries throughout the Pentagon were actively engaged in countless hours of work by daily arriving before their boss arrived and staying until after their boss left the building at the end of the day — whether their workload demanded it or not.  I suspect they did this to “look good” and secure that next promotion. 

Did I receive a “delightful inheritance” at that point?  I think I did!  I enjoyed a job I loved without feeling guilty about neglecting my wife and family. I was living by my God-given priorities. My family flourished and the ministry grew.

A biblical example

Daniel 1 is a biblical story of another self-imposed “boundary”.  Daniel and his three young friends had just been selected for training as members of the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar’s court.  As part of this training, the king assigned to the four Hebrew young men a daily portion of food and wine from his own kitchen.  But Daniel determined not to defile himself with the king’s rich food and wine, refused it and boldly suggested a creative alternative.

Did Daniel and his three friends enjoy a delightful inheritance?  They certainly did  — by eventually being found by the king to be ten times more capable than the other magicians and enchanters in his entire kingdom (Daniel 1:20) and given important roles in the king’s court.

Since those days back in the Pentagon, the principle of appreciating boundaries has guided me throughout the rest of my Air Force days and then while also serving in the missionary organization of which we are now a part.  Don’t get me wrong — I’ve blown many boundaries now and then and have paid a consequence for it — like seeking counseling for help in getting release from my workaholic tendencies.  But on the whole, I’ve honored numerous major boundaries that I believe have prepared me to enjoy a fulfilled life.  

What might have been

I fear what “might have been” had I violated those boundaries, given my natural inclination toward workaholism.  Back in those days, my natural tendency was to totally commit myself to the job and upward promotion.  Except for those boundaries, I truly believe my family would be hating me.  My wife would probably have left me.  Who knows where my kids would be today.  Certainly I would not be in the vocational ministry today.  Even had I continued to climb the upward ladder of success and made it to the top of the military ladder, I’m sure that in disillusionment I would have concluded that ladder was propped against a wrong wall, and today I would probably be hating myself and the world around me.  

A caution

I sense a word of caution might be proper here.  I’m finding that it’s quite possible to misapply this principle of boundaries. I think it's important to differentiate between boundaries I intend for myself from those I might intend for others.  The “boundaries” I’ve been describing are primarily boundaries either self-imposed or imposed by external forces on myself that when properly applied, are for my good — to help me be all that God desires me to be and to do.  When I use a boundary as a tool, in a sense, to  inappropriately limit or control the action of others, I am stepping out of line.  For example, drawing a boundary around one’s home to unnecessarily keep an undesirable in-law at bay would be inappropriate.  I need to make sure this boundary is God’s will for me, lest I have a boundary without the “delightful inheritances”.

You’ve figured it out — a “self-imposed boundary” is simply the result of making a white-knuckle commitment to live by agreed-upon core priorities.

Responding to an externally-imposed boundary

So far we’ve been discussing the dynamics of learning to appreciate the “self-imposed” boundary. Responding to this type of boundary is one thing, but joyfully embracing a boundary imposed by others is a different matter.  My current big boundary demanding lots of attention, of course, is a companion called Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis (IPF).  We’ll explore what it takes to appreciate this boundary via Post #14 in two weeks.

My Prayer — 

Lord, I thank you for the boundaries you’ve helped me set within my life and for the delightful inheritances I’ve enjoyed because of these boundaries.  I pray for my Dear Readers that they too will enjoy the delightful inheritances that come with the godly boundaries that they actively set within their own lives.  Forgive me, Lord, for being insensitive to your voice and for not taking advantage of all the boundaries I could have set within my life, but did not.  Thx!, your son, Don.  In Jesus name, Amen.